Chronicles of Crazy

2012-01-03T10:04:00.004+05:30

2011 was epic. I graduated college and bagged a college honor. Both very unexpected, as my parents told me. My brother graduated school and got into college as anticipated. My parents completed twenty five years of being married to each other.

And to celebrate....... family trip.

SO we board a flight to North bengal, book a room in a resort near the jungle, and with Axl Rose singing 'Welcome to the Jungle' in my head, punctuated with my Mom screaming at me to pack more clothes, we're off.

Like true bongs we have packed enough warm clothes to withstand Arctic cold, with mom seriously considering buying a monkey cap, and once there we don't know what to wear. Because it is HOT. In the day atleast. Evenings we all flaunted those skull caps.

In the flight there is an unfortunate child in front of me wearing a sweater knitted by her grandmother. The body is sky blue and red stripes. The arms are cobalt blue and red stripes. Gran ran out of sky blue wool it seems.

Day 1: Lyaadh. (yeah, sorry, this is still my family's trip)

Day 2: Jungal Safari

Jungal Safari turned out to be very dusty with not an animal in sight. Just a lot of elephant poop as the driver pointed out proudly.

Then there was the trip to see the Kanchenjungha. I really don't know how to spell that. My dad stared out at the horizon and after a moment of scrunching his eyebrows finally asks us..."Where is it?" My brother points. Dad hadn't thought to look above the clouds.

And skip skip some boring parts, some depressing meals because the chef was sick it's the last day.

Looking at a CUTE rhino from a watchtower, followed up by tribal dances and drinking their salty tea, it's time to go back to the room, driving through the forest in the dark, followed by fireflies.

Peace to everyone. Have an epic 2012.

2011-12-23T21:54:00.000+05:30

the next edition of our family trips kicks off tomorrow morning. the previous editions have included mom getting stung by jellyfish, mom getting pickpocketed, mom unable to breathe through a snorkel and more such family bonding moments.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Weaver in Wonderland

2011-12-02T09:17:00.003+05:30

Being an intern for a science magazine is great. I get to read and write about stuff I love.

Then there's the socializing part. Which, for me, is non-existent. In lunch hour I slip out to this dirty little dhaba, sit in a corner and read the newspapers while eating something which I know is tastier than the food in the office canteen. I like being left to myself.

Yesterday though, there was a tea party. It was somebody's wedding anniversary and she was treating everyone in the office to a high tea. She invited me too and after pretending to be deaf and invisible I gave in to her repeated requests to join everyone and turned up in the lounge to be a part of the party.

The food was nice.

And then things started to go wrong in the way things can go wrong only when you are the only 21 year old at a party populated by people above 40.

The first topic of discussion that came up was who retires when. Given that I have atleast a couple of years to go before I even get a job, I started getting a little depressed.

Then they move on to talking about diets. Everyone has blood pressure and sugar. Nobody eats anything except at tea parties like this because the hostess insists. (lol-ing all around) The boss says she's going to starve herself all week and then go get her blood sugar tested. (more lol-ing)

The two ladies beside me are wondering in whispers... 'what is her name?' 'the intern, she's so quiet'. I start feeling vaguely like Alice at the Mad hatter's tea party. Too small. Maybe they can't see me, I hope.

At this point I forget that I can be seen and stop focusing on keeping my face blank. A distinctly upset look starts to spread across my face and someone comments on it. 'Hey! The kid doesnt need to diet. So I think she's bored.'

I'm trying very hard to smile and be all 'noo noooo, hey this is interesting.'

Then a man turns up, he has a meeting with the boss. He's small and has white whiskers. The party is over. I thank the white rabbit man in my head and go back to my cubicle.

why the science reporter intern felt slightly sick today

2011-11-21T11:51:00.000+05:30

she found THIS link

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2011/10/pictures/111027-spooky-new-species-halloween-animals/

1st day of internship

2011-11-14T16:45:00.002+05:30

Last Night.

3 am- I wake up because I'm thirsty. While I'm lying there waiting to see if I can persuade my body that I'm not thirsty my 13 year old cousin brother wakes up. Immensely happy to see that I'm awake he starts telling me how he slept till noon and therefore had no need for any more sleep. Feeling slightly more awake than I would have liked to I got up, drank some water and went back to sleep.

4 am- I wake up again to see my brother fiddling with the laptop. Criminally awake for that hour, he tells me he'd forgotten to switch it off before we went to bed and was just doing so. I curtly ask him to go back to sleep. He asks me, in turn, when I will wake up. After 6, I say. But when? Before 6.30.

5 am- Another irritating mosquito wakes me up. He's sitting there. Nirvana-like calm. He asks me if I want to take a bath in the morning and obligingly switches on the geyser. He tells me its morning and to prove his point dramatically pulls open the curtains to be met with gloomy darkness. I fall asleep wondering what my editor will think if I fall asleep at my desk on the first day of my internship.

6 am- He wakes me up. I am fighting with the urge to hit my brother and he asks me if I want to go to the park.

7.10 am- My uncle is roaring at us to wake up. I jump out of bed to see my brother, fast asleep, refusing to wake up even when I shook him.

7.45 am- We make a run for school and office, breakfast clutched in hand, hair uncombed, baths skipped.

Shampoo

2011-10-19T09:54:00.003+05:30

Went through old posts to see if I ever posted this before. Don't seem to have.

Second year of college, during our college fest. The college sports ground is transformed into a carnival of sorts. Live bands, food stalls. And one stall from the famous barbershop X. (this isn't even some protection of privacy, I have forgotten the name. But they're the one who give you 400 rupee haircuts)

So X has a promotional offer. Haircuts for a hundred bucks. Quick calculation in head: getting hair cut in front of half the campus vs spending four times the money on a haircut plus rickshaw fare. For any hostel resident the answer is obvious.

So I plonk down in the chair and untie my braided hair. "I live in the hostel. I plan to not shampoo all winter, cut off ALL MY HAIR please. Thanks." The man gulps. The fest was in december I think, which left a good two months of winter to go.

Now when I said the answer was obvious to any hostel resident, what I meant was to ALL hostel residents. So within an hour of me getting that haircut, Dev showed up. She has waist length hair.... which she is too lazy too comb. So the man had a terrible time even getting to the haircut part. "I live in the hostel...shortage of water.... mysterious disappearance of combs from my room."

Then Ishrat turns up. She too has waistlength hair. Curly too. He asks her what shampoo she uses. She looks at him. "See I live in a hostel. So I just ask my friends for shampoo and use whatever they lend me."

Then the Don turns up. "I bought a giant bottle of shampoo for just eighty rupees. Such a bargain!!"

From the next year the barbershop was conspicuous in its absence. And sorely missed by a group of six people who still shared that bargain shampoo.

2011-09-21T10:41:00.002+05:30

The new google blogger interface seems confusing. But maybe it's just that I haven't blogged in a while and thus have managed to fall hopelessly behind the times.

Blogger in the age of accelerated technology. (superhero pose)

My mom took me shopping yesterday. Correction: My mom went shopping yesterday while I went on coolie duty. Now the the thing is, my mom is deaf. And i'm not even being mean. She wont wear her hearing aids. Not my fault. So we're in a store and the man at the counter is making the bill. And he goes "Ma'am what name should I make the bill out to?" and she's just standing there with a smiley face. So I poked her. And she jumped up and starting shouting. "Block X X house number 0 0 0". Our Address. Which is obviously the first thing that comes to your mind when you're a deaf person who's been poked. YOUR ADDRESS.

(more added later)

Then the other day, my Dad's student came over. Dad wasn't home so Mom asks him to sit down and then asks him,"So what did you do today?"

"Embroidery."

"Oh, what an interesting hobby."

He gives her the confused look and conversation subsides.

On later investigation it turns out that what he had said was "Laundry".

2011-08-10T11:08:00.004+05:30

me: I'd catch a grenade for you-oooooooo

serve up my head on a plate for you-OOOOOOO

bro (giving me worried looks out of the corner of his eye): you know those aren't the real words right?

me: dude! these are the words. it's a creepy love song

bro: nooo. the words are 'put my hand on a blade for you'. considerably less creepy/violent. (looks very worried)

Been at home for almost two months now. Gap year is progressing great so far. (I think) Extended-conservative-Indian family is not exactly appreciative/understanding/comprehending-motives (if any). I probably haven't helped because I have spread around ten different versions of my "plan". I just make one up and say it with a lot of unconvincing looking eyebrow wiggling when anyone asks me. So people comparing notes either conclude that I don't have a plan or that they know different peopled called me. Probably the first, you know?

Ah well, short term aim is something I have today atleast- REMEMBER to go to driving class.

2011-07-28T14:51:00.002+05:30

'received and accepted'

The three most beautiful words in the english language.

Don't even try to convince me otherwise.

You article has been received and accepted. :D

see? happy feeling induced automatically

The unusual incident of the mom at the midnight

2011-07-05T14:34:00.003+05:30

Just when I'm drifting off to sleep after being informed by my brother that many of his friends think that my idea of taking a break from education is weird but he thinks that it is completely normal and I politely told him that if he dances like robo-dork at his fresher's welcome party he will be labelled weird in college mom runs into the room. (insert many commas later)

1. bro started college yesterday and its fun to mess with his head. although the way he dances is really strange.

2. mom doesnt run so much as walk slightly faster

3. i am taking a gap year on grounds of i'm so confused and also i didnt really apply anywhere and my parents didnt notice till all the deadlines were gone.

So mom goes "WAKE UP. I have slashed my finger from end to end and if you dont get up and dress the wound i will have a nervous breakdown."

I get up. It's not a deep cut. Just long. So i put some antiseptic and then two bandaids.

"Go to sleep. It's almost midnight."

My mom looks at me. Her face has that dissatisfied look.

"What?"

"It doesn't look dramatic enough."

WHAT?

"It looks so tiny. Put a bandage not a bandaid."

"GO TO SLEEEEP. I'll put a bandage and make a bow tomorrow."

Big smile. Satisfied at the thought of her bow she goes to bed.

2011-05-22T15:09:00.008+05:30

Birthdays are supposed to be fun.

Turning 21 seems like a stressful coming of age ritual though.

Firstly, my family gave me a watch. This is the traditional coming of age gift that my family gives. When I graduated high school they gave me one. This time, they gave me another one. They also gave me one when I started my period but maybe that was just because the internet providers had coincidentally sent us a free watch in the mail that day.

I also inherited two watches from my grandmother when she died and in case anyone has noticed that that adds up to five watches which is three more than the number of wrists I have......well, I have already broken all five of them. Yes, the strap on the new one came off around thirty seconds after the wrapping paper.

I wear a cheap watch held together by rubber bands. And my glasses are held together by superglue.

I don't think I am ready to come of age.

Secondly, my mother asked me if I'm dating anyone. When I said no she asked me if I'm gay. When I said no she calmly said I wouldn't know. She asked me if I liked anyone and thanks to force of habit I said ......well I said no. Dammit. Me and my brother figured out years ago that saying no to this question was the best thing to do. If you say yes she follows you around the house and asks you a hundred questions about the looks/intelligence/career prospects of the 'liked one'.

Seems like she's spent these years developing a new set of questions to ask if you say no. ARE YOU GAY? SERIOUSLY? That's what she came up with? Owch.

Then against all rules of Indian parenting she tells me there is no way in hell she's finding me a groom.

I black out for a second and then realize MARRIAGE is what she is thinking about.

"I don't even like the clothes you pick for me, how on earth would you find a boy for me? "

"True. That's a relief.........I'll support you if you're gay but I want grandchildren." (yes mom. let's stick to that. i'm gay. katy perry background music.)

Holy craaaap. I'm old.

2011-04-28T11:54:00.002+05:30

-In the dream I didn't understand what you said so you called me stupid.

-It wasn't a dream.

-No, what about the kite flying?

-I called you stupid. That seems real enough.

-Hey I didn't understand what you said because you were making up words.

-I know plenty of words which are real but you wouldn't understand.

-NO. My vocabulary is awesome.

-I don't make up words.

-It was MY dream. You made up words.

-It was still me in the dream and I don't make up words.

-And you called me stupid in it! My dream. Don't ever appear in my dreams again.

-Hey! It was YOUR dream

-It was still YOU

2011-04-20T17:12:00.000+05:30

2011-04-17T19:40:00.000+05:30

No I'm not colorblind. Just messing around with the template designer.

opposable thumbs and such biological marvels

2011-04-13T16:04:00.005+05:30

In the complicated world of gadgets humans are developing new skills. Yes they are. I can talk and text simultaneously. I swear I can............ if you count saying yes at intervals as conversation.

A few years ago I often found myself to be one party of a 'conference' call. While Shaggy and me talked nineteen to the dozen, our third friend usually never said anything. In fact sometimes, fifteen minutes into the conversation, shaggy would inform me that he was also on the line because I would assumed it was just a normal phone call. He never knew when to start talking he said.

My family has almost perfected the art of having a three way conversation on the phone. They call me. Then they go on talking. Every time I open my mouth to say hi or some such attention-seeking thing they say shutup.

For example-

Me: Hi

Bro: Wait

Ma: Where does this wire go?

Bro: This slot in the camera has a picture of the wire Ma. Obviously...

Me: Hi

Bro: Yeah

Ma: Where does the other end go?

Bro: BOTH ENDS DONT GO IN THE CAMERA IDIOT. ONE HAS TO PLUG INTO THE COMPUTER

Ma: Oh

Me: Uhh

Ma: Where does the other end go?

Bro: Same slot where the pendrive goes.

Me: uhh

Bro: YOU. talk to her.

Me: Why?

Bro: Then I dont have to talk to her.

Ma: Hi baby

Me: Hi

Ma: I plugged it in, nothing happened.

Me: Did you turn it on?

Ma: Oh. Ok. Bye.

click.

I will have children with two thumbs on each hand. They will text. Never call.

2011-04-05T15:27:00.003+05:30

A month after I left home my parents bought a large screen tv.

This year I saw the Indian cricket team bring home the World Cup sitting in the room amidst more than a hundred shrieking ladies who scream for amir khan. rahul gandhi, advertisements and dot balls among other things.

Last year I saw three quarters of a crappy movie waiting for a senior to finally go to bed at 2 am so that I could watch the last few minutes of a champions league quarter final.

I was thrown out of the common room on porn night for laughing too loudly because the porn was soft. Really really soft. (how is this porn? u cant even see **** hahaha............. please leave)

I was asked how many overs of a tennis match were left.

ENOUGH i say. I'm going home now. Somebody warn the neighbours.

xkcd conversations. real life

2011-03-11T11:19:00.003+05:30

Three years of nerd class. Some amazingly strange conversation has happened. It's like xkcd in real life

"They have three cars."

"How many of them are there?"

"Two."

"Oh....so they have one and a half cars each?" (Unitary method)

"My hunger is so erratic. And it diverges to infinity." or "My stomach is like a black hole."

(limits. astronomy)

"She hates me. But sometimes she also likes me. But then she has reasons for both."

"Uhhuh."

"It's like an equilibrium"

"I feel like a solar eclipse" (I don't even remember the context or meaning of this profound sentence)

"I have a quantum mech exam"

"But can't we party before?

"No. No. There is some uncertainty you see." (Heisenberg!)

And the last one which sums it all up...

"I'm out of touch with conversation. Like a rusty motor."

2011-02-24T20:42:00.002+05:30

Revelations that happened this week-

A speech in 3rd person about the creeps stalking you on facebook can take on magnificently different proportions when delivered from a first person viewpoint.

An awesome project which lets you work in a separate lab also entails that you spend half an hour with a tiny duster cleaning all the tables in the lab by yourself.

2011-02-13T09:02:00.003+05:30

The NEW height of boredom-

"Oye, what's up?"

"Nothing man"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm sitting and watching the downloads happen."

Superhero vs Genius

2011-02-03T13:33:00.003+05:30

A train of thought was put into motion by my roommate's boyfriend yesterday.

So he's a superhero. I'm a genius. (No, I mean it.)

He insists she's his sidekick. I insist that can't be. I get dibs. I'm a genius. Plus I knew her first but that's less important.

I mean where would superheroes be without the geniuses? Who would design the spider suit? (Okay, spiderman's a genius and a superhero rolled into one. Which btw, is WHY he is awesome.) But who would make the cutting edge car and the almost-mind-reading-capable computer?

Hah. Don't make fun of us because we wear glasses and don't have the biceps. One day we will take over the universe. With math.

2010-12-28T16:41:00.001+05:30

Terrible joke alert. But I made it up myself so I get to be inordinately proud of it. :D

What do you call a hiphop band started by a brother sister duo?

C-bling

2010-12-25T20:37:00.001+05:30

Merry Christmas everyone
And a very happy new year 2011
coz u know...2012 is when it all ends.(sorry. terrible)

2010-12-19T21:35:00.002+05:30

My illustrious flatmate, a student of chemistry, pursuing her masters degree, walks up to the professor, to take her viva exam.

"This thing you are wearing.." he starts

She scans herself from head to toe. "Which one sir?"

"Lab coat"

"Oh"

"What would happen if acid fell on it?"

"A hole, sir" prompt reply.

"CHEMISTRY" he thunders.

She blinks.

"What would happen in the language of chemistry?"

"Oh.......Don't know."

"What is the formula for cotton?"

"Don't know."

"For silk?"

"Don't know."

"Where does silk come from?"

"Silk worm." prompt reply

"CHEMISTRY!"

"Oh.......Don't know."

He gives up.

2010-12-14T21:50:00.002+05:30

I'm walking down the science faculty roads with sir today. Half the road is dug up.

Sir says," DO you know why it's all dug up?"

"No sir. Especially considering that it was dug up just a few months ago...."

"Yeah. See, then they had dug it for the CWGames. They just put a covering of gravel to finish it in time. Now they are putting in the drain!!!!!!!!!!!!"

cosmic rays and toilet paper

2010-12-04T10:00:00.000+05:30

Two and a half years of undergrad devoted to studying physics. Today it all paid off. The awfully long lab hours, the occasionally exciting theory classes.

Today I was allowed to work with a cloud chamber. Sitting there, actually seeing evidence of all the stuff about the insides of an atom we have been studying about since we were thirteen, it was amazing.

Little streaks of light. Pretty shapes. And three amazing lab partners. Nerd-life is good.

The hero of the afternoon was a very unlikely one though. When we were starting we wondered how to clean out the inside of the chamber. I suddenly remember something. I open my bag and pull out a roll of toilet paper.

"Oh. Really?" went Sonali.

"No. I just bought it on the way to college."

"Oh." (giggle)

That roll helped clean the chamber, wipe the spilt alcohol, dry the chamber at the end.

Explaining to my roommate how I finished half a roll in one day....."Oh, just tell her that four of us used it." (Pause to realize what she just said. Laughter.)

Also, is Qatar big enough to host a FIFA world cup?

here in delhi...

2010-12-02T17:19:00.000+05:30

Sweat cone. YUM, huh?

road trip 1

2010-11-21T11:05:00.001+05:30

diwali in dehradun at the house of a friendly ninja turtle. we celebrated halloween and not diwali. yes my years of diwali ecoterrorism are over.

road trip 2

2010-11-16T17:25:00.005+05:30

Saturday evening. I'm walking down the road, on the phone with my roommate.
"I want to get thrown out of hostel. I hate everyone. I hate everything. F***ing retards. M*****f*****s."
"What happened?"
She is patiently ignoring the swearwords and pretending to be interested. The one day of the week she has leave to spend the night with her boyfriends i call her to whine.
"Somebody stole my watch. My broken watch. I mean seriously, why would you steal a BROKEN little watch?"
"To sell?"
"AAAAAAAAA. Hypothetical question. Anyway, I'm leaving. I hope I get thrown out. I might never come back. Bye"
"Where are you going?"
"To meet school people. YUCK man. Why must I be social. Ok, i've reached the metro see you tomorrow byee."click.

What happened next was unexpected.
We meet.
We politely discuss weather and current events. (How is college? How were exams? How was internship? Is your library open all night?) Yeah that last question was from me.
We bond over bitching about people from school, gossiping about people from school and well u get the idea... school+negativity=very strong bond

So. Next step? Roadtrip. Yay!

We call concerned authorities i.e parents or warden and lie to them. Now we're free.

Let's go to Jaipur. Too far. Nainital. No. Jalandhar. WHY? No. Chandigarh. Ok, let's. Friend says there will be fog.

So we all go to Agra.

Crazy driver who thinks the brakes are a challenge against newton's second law. last moment deceleration and screeeech.
Chai at little roadship dhabas with strings of fairy lights. Peeing in creepy little ceilingless toilets and using quantities of sanitizer.
Sunrise at the Akbar's Tomb in the midst of all of UP's population doing morning exercises. No kidding. They ALL run and do push-ups or yoga.
Then the Taj mahal. Yes picture above. The camera got stolen. That's my crappy cellphone trying it's best. This is the only picture of the trip I have now.
And so one whole day after leaving my creepy hostel without leave I am back. So kill me. :)

p.s- i havent actually posted road trip 1. last week i went to dehradun but i havent got pictures of that yet.

2010-11-16T17:17:00.001+05:30

When you're sick of all the yummy pastry try the 'moose' on the menu.
I swear I did not use photoshop.

2010-11-11T23:08:00.002+05:30

There are bad bad days. Followed by uhhh days with potential to be good. Ruined by random things like half your hair falling out while applying hairfallcontrol oil.

But yeah. I met two crazy people today. Freshers. Then I told my roommate. And the following conversation ensued in the context of having a party

"Do the new freshers you met drink?"

"I don't know. That's not what I ask people the first time I talk to them. That would be so weird"

"Oh really. What did you talk about today?" (it's like she knows. spooky)

looooooong silence from me.

"We spoke about shit"

victorious chuckle.

Dialogue with myself

2010-10-31T14:42:00.005+05:30

There are times when you lose faith, completely, in the system.
On the upside, there's always the Simpsons. (All hail Piratebay.) Especially on winter afternoons when the outdoor.... is gloomy.

No, seriously though. Delhi University is making life difficult for students.
I actually got hit by a flying shoe-box in a showstore near campus.

No, every alternate sentence must not be a cynical non-funny interjection.
But I did get hit by a box of shoes. The shoe store was weird. The clerks throw shoes down from the attic where they store shoes. Then another clerk catches the box and then throws them at the clerk who is serving you. Beware! A box of flying shoes in the tummy will be painful. Moral: Never be coaxed into accompanying friends to shoe shop.

Coming back to the point, the semester system was imposed without proper thought or planning. So the professors are always on strike. The new syllabus is terrible (apparently) and it is not very practical to expect a university which barely manages to check exam papers once a year to manage it twice a year.

Trisha Ray tagged me in a post asking me to list 15 authors in no particular order. Here goes.

Douglas Adams- there are people crazier than my family. yes. love.
Eoin Colfer- I know. The new books all suck. I don't care. I was a kid when i fell in love with a shiny cover and then the mastermind inside the shiny covers.
Shirshendu- the world is crazy and ghosts exist but real people are weirder.
Moti Nandi- It is possible to write a novel about a sportsperson every year and yet not get boring.
Premendro Mitra- Ghanada is the best sci-fi EVER written. In any language. DO NOT contradict me.
(trying to think of stuff other than weird now)
Salinger- The Glass family. All of the stories/novellas.
Steinbeck- I cried when he shot Lennie.
Thomas Hardy- Tess of the D'Urbervilles sent me into depression. I hate Thomas Hardy. Each of his books I read, I swear I will never read another, but I do. Once every five years.
Woody Allen and P.G.Wodehouse and Thurber- Brought me out of depression. Many many times.
Roald Dahl- gave a seven year old with terrible asthma who thought without running around life was over another reason to enjoy living.
Robert Graves- Ok I don't even remember I, Claudius that well but I remember that it was awesome.
Bill Patterson- yes reading Calvin and Hobbes counts. Right?
Shel Silverstein- um.

Ok how many is that? Also..
DISCLAIMER: i CAN deny this list. i might remember 15 more authors who were more important to me in like 10 minutes. i will probably soon surreptitiously change this list.

edit: Howard Fast. My Glorious brothers is the only book till date which has stopped me from watching a very important match on espn.

2010-10-21T13:48:00.002+05:30

That time of the year.
When you are allowed to run around in the rain.
When you have no curfew.
When midnight is the most crowded time in the streets.
When junk food is all you're supposed to eat coz mom has declared kitchen closed for 5 days.

SHUBHO BIJOYA.

2010-10-08T08:52:00.001+05:30

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peFHthxPFz8

documentary.
on commonwealth games.
watch it.
face reality.
the shit that is shadowed by the shining games.

!

2010-10-05T16:28:00.004+05:30

Life is too weird.

I happen to be one party in a bet that involves either the winner or the loser eating two beefsteaks. Nobody knows if the winner or the loser eats the two beefsteaks. Because one beefsteak is easy and two are difficult to finish.
Attempts at fixing a bet commissioner have not been successful simply because we know all our mutual friends can be bought too easily.
I don't even know if i want to win or lose this bet now.

Then my guitar got stuck inside it's case. I mean, does that really happen to real people? You struggle with the zip for thirty whole minutes of your life and the guitar is still stuck inside. No help from giggling/chuckling/laughing hysterically boy at other end of phone line while you struggle to open the zip. (Chivalry is dead) And this leads to me screaming that the zip isn't as small as zips on pants and therefore harder to struggle with so he should shut up. Which in turn leads to argument about whether it is possible to get stuck inside pants with zips. He insists I must have been, otherwise I wouldn't have brought it up. I insist that I wear pants with strings not zips. Lies, all. But I have been stuck inside pants with strings, they knot and knots are not easy to undo. Man, depressing. Guitar still stuck inside case. ARGHHH

Then I have taken to carrying my ChelseaFC bag around. This leads to tiffs with strangers.
"Excuse Me"
"Yes"
"Are you a Chelsea fan?"
"Yeah. I'm not just randomly carrying this bag..." (NO I'm a dumb girl carrying my brother's bag and I dont know what chelseafc means)
"I hate chelsea"
"So you're ManU?"
"Yeah"
"WE'RE PLAYING BETTER. ADMIT IT. ADMIT IT."
slightly embarrassed pause...
"Yes. You are" ..... (you are what? playing better/ insane because you shout at strangers who support ManU)

2010-09-25T22:36:00.002+05:30

Classmate suggests playing a game in class. Only silent game that can be managed while prof is teaching 'draw a picture with chosen letter'.
Letter one- S- drawn object- square.
Letter two- T- table top.
three- C- coffee-table top
four- K- kaju barfi
five R- rhombus
six M- mat
seven- D- diamond (tilt the notebook)
Game abandoned due to me passing off the same drawing as a drawing for all these letters. Dirty looks. Giggles.

2010-09-24T22:49:00.002+05:30

This is hopefully going to be the last post on the CWGames. There are ten days left now. Delegates have started arriving... And cancelling.
The flood has reached the games village.
There is shit in the rooms and a minister has issued a statement saying that Indians are just not that clean.
Bridges are collapsing.
It was irritating. Now it's embarrassing.

I'm going back home now. And I'm going back to blogging about things which are pointless and amusing and nobody cares about.

17 days to go

2010-09-16T15:54:00.001+05:30

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msyZPdQ0pko

A video of the chakka jam organized by all the people who are suffering because of the Commonwealth games.

2010-09-15T18:24:00.002+05:30

So the commonwealth games....I saw the funniest thing the other day. No that was not a nonsequitur.
I saw a kid taking a crap in the front lawns of kirori mal college. :D
The workers are living there and you cant really blame the kid. But it was funny. Broad daylight, smug DU-ites and the kid with its pants down.
And yeah, they are still breaking down things like all the foodstalls!! No place to get your daily dose of cheap unhygienic food ...a.k.a BREAKFAST.

CWGames and deadlines.

2010-09-09T17:11:00.003+05:30

The newest deadline for some commonwealth games projects has been declared. It's the 3rd of october. So, when do the games start? Yes, the 3rd is when. That's cutting it a little fine i'd say. Beware, if you turn up at the venue too early, on say the day the games begin, they might still be completing the roof or something. Even I prepare earlier for exams. Although mom said that's coz i leave out portions of the syllabus that don't interest me. Her insights are scary.
The last word on deadlines is Douglas Adams though. "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."

2010-09-06T19:22:00.003+05:30

Returned to delhi. There is now less than a month left to the CWGames. Construction is crazy now.
Suddenly there are overhead bridges being constructed to cross roads. Either for the last decade of pedestrian deaths in delhi nobody cared or firangs are bad at crossing roads.
Connaught Place is still a mess.
Millions of plants are being planted in the dividers. They will all die in the middle of the alternate rainfall and bright sun.
People are not particularly optimistic.

2010-09-04T09:47:00.002+05:30

So I am terrible at doing this countdown thing huh? In my defense, I tried. i really did. But then viral fever and what not have derailed me.
Speaking of derailing. I realised that I needed to get out of Delhi. The city has simultaneous epidemics of dengue and conjunctivitis. And they are so busy digging that they haven't even identified the strains of the diseases yet. It's a nightmare. People are dying of dengue. So yeah, I booked a ticket and came home. The trip was strange. The train in front of us got derailed. The great Indian public started breaking the windows of our train. We were instructed to draw the curtains and sit still. I call V, who is in on my plan to surprise my parents and tell him that if anything happens to me he's going to have to call home and tell mom what happened and how i had ended up in a train anyway. He tells me comforting songs like crash and burn. Calls me weird and stupid. Wonders about just telling my bro anyway that I'm coming and ruining the surprise for me and then the train starts moving so he hangs up. Leaving me wondering why he's my friend and actually the only friend in whom I confided the plan.
Expression on my parents faces when I walked in through the door halfway through their lunch...PRICELESS. Expression when they heard that I didn't have a return ticket because I spent all my money on the homecoming....not so priceless, but thankfully amused not angry. Expression on mom's face when she sees that me being her nerdy daughter have not packed any clothes just my laptop and three books- grim resignation followed by feared dialogue -'we have to go shopping'.
Expression that will be on the faces of my extended family when I turn up at the family dinner on sunday.... can't wait to find out. Keep checking weird life tapestry!

2010-08-29T12:46:00.003+05:30

1lakh70thousand
BPL cards revoked.
In Delhi alone.
In an attempt to look good.
In the international arena.

Stat a lady working with resettled slum areas told me.

2010-08-29T09:31:00.001+05:30

http://radicalnotes.com/journal/2010/08/19/labour-laws-violated-in-miranda-house-college-commonwealth-games-construction-site/

Just a link today. Haven't been well enough to get up, go outside and take pictures. The above link describes the stuff going on in my college. CWG related stuff. It's shameful enough to want to drop out.

2010-08-28T08:27:00.001+05:30

CM now sets September 15th as deadline for CWG Projects

Delhi CM Sheila Dikshit said heavy rain had prevented work from being completed in time, which is August 31. Actually, that was the fourth deadline to have been set after the first date of March 31 was missed.

(TOI)

30something days left

2010-08-27T07:57:00.003+05:30

Viral fever sure takes the enthusiasm to live right outa you. Anyway, here are the pictures.
On top- living in the middle of a marsh. In the middle- Living next to a giant landfill. And at the bottom- The approach roads.

Lost count days left.

2010-08-24T11:09:00.002+05:30

I apologise to those of who amuse yourselves by reading my anti-CWG posts for not posting anything for a few days. In my defense, I have been sick and busy and sunday is a holiday.
Busy? Yes!
I went to a resettlement slum yesterday. Now I have pictures and horror stories to last me till the games. So the college women's development cell and some NGO together decided to visit this place, Bhalaswa. I had no classes so I tagged along with a camera.
Imagine that you live in a slum. It can't be fun but atleast you live close to where you work. Then one day there is a board which says vacate by tomorrow. Bulldozers are coming. So you along with some thousands of families are resettled to a marsh. Yes a marsh. And to double the misery your government doesn't give you some money to develop this area. NOPE. You have to pay them for the lease on the land. And the marsh is really far from all civilization so to travel to your workplace you spend a decent bit everyday which with your earnings isn't really an option. And the marsh is quite unsuitable for human habitation. And it's right next to a huge disgusting landfill. Children are dying from snakebites. Everyday.
Why resettled? Because when the firangs come....delhi has to look pretty.
So, the lease gets over when? November. Right after the games. No idea what happens to you after that.
(pictures later. high fever right now)

42

2010-08-22T15:42:00.002+05:30

It's Sunday. I feel too unmotivated to go take pictures of broken parts of delhi. The dust in the city is choking up my lungs. Delhi is not a fun place to live for asthmatic people right now. The rain the last few days have helped though. Little less dust. On the other hand apparently roads are caving in. Wow. I read in the paper "as a consequence of the" insane amount of "construction going on many roads are caving in. Starting with Aurobindo Marg."

43 days left

2010-08-21T07:25:00.003+05:30

Now if you kindly tilt your head and look at these pictures...
This is Rajiv Chowk/Connaught Place. The heart of the city. It was quite nice before they decided it needs to be dug up.

44 days to the CWGames

2010-08-20T07:53:00.003+05:30

Excerpts from the Times of India website.

MCD blames Games work for mess

MCD's control room received 106 complaints of waterlogging on Thursday with maximum complaints (38) coming from the central zone. The worst affected areas included Moolchand, CP, Punchkuian Road, Rajghat, IP flyover, Kishanganj railway crossing, Chirag Delhi, Jangpura. Complaints were also received from Lajpat Nagar, Jawaharlal Nehru Stadium, CGO Complex, Yamuna Sports Complex, Games Village, Kamla Market, Minto Road, Ajmeri Gate, Daryaganj, Red Fort, Chandni Chowk, Ramjas Road, Rangpura, Khalsa Collage, Rohtak Road, Bhajanpura, Loni Road, Wazirabad, Lawrence Road, Ashok Vihar, MB Road, Tigri Colony, Devli Road, Vasant Vihar, Filmistan and Bara Hindu Rao Hospital and Mayapuri. There were 23 complaints of trees falling and 11 of building collapses.

45 days to the CWGames

2010-08-19T11:34:00.003+05:30

Forgot to upload a picture/other thing yesterday. Anyway, if you look at this picture sideways...this is the new concrete cycling lane. DU will introduce a new traffic plan for the CWG. Students have been asking for one for years. Nobody cares if students walking around campus get run over. If a foreign delegate gets run over? Now that's what is important.
However, now that the Games are here, so is a new traffic plan. Two roads will become one way and cycling lanes are being made (or that's what they look like). When I returned to campus last month after my summer vacation these were just being constructed. The picture above shows you how smooth the surfacing is. Three hours of mild rain and yes they are mini-mosquito breeding pools now! And these are concrete. If I remember correctly what my grandfather, a civil engineer, taught me then concrete roads are not re-surfaced every year like the other roads we have. NOPE. They are expensive. They last for years.

47 days to the CWGames

2010-08-17T06:57:00.003+05:30

They're still digging.

48 days to the CWGames

2010-08-16T10:01:00.002+05:30

Overheard conversation

Person1: So what do you think, given the fact that all the work on the roads and the metro is incomplete, and the finished stadiums are shoddily done and have flaws. Is it better that the games happen or is it better if they don't?

Person2: Well it's going to be an international embarrassment.

Person1: Hmm. Yes.

Person2 (gleam in eye): Which one will be the embarrassment? Them happening or them not happening?

50 days to the CWGames

2010-08-15T11:49:00.004+05:30

50 days to the Commonwealth Games. (picture courtesy of Aditi Kumar)

50 minutes of rain does this to our campus.
So much for the new roads, new footpaths, new hostel infrastructure.

2010-08-14T20:05:00.004+05:30

Picture of Angkor Vat. Just realized that I had managed to not upload the picture after three whole posts on my trip to Cambodia.

2010-08-13T16:27:00.003+05:30

All time favourite xkcd. It's number 55 I think.
Questions like why.....

2010-08-12T09:41:00.002+05:30

That's it. Delhi's weather patterns depend on me. The days I decide to go watch Inception, it rains. Not just rain. IT RAIINNS. From a sunny morning it suddenly transforms into a squally afternoon. The drains all overflow in a matter of minutes which is surely not possible in a developed city.
There is thunder, lightning, waterlogged roads. Knee-deep water. Chairs which break when toto sits on them.
I surrender. It's ok. I'm going to keep telling myself it can't be that good.

RULES

2010-07-29T16:57:00.004+05:30

Henceforth my life will have strict rules.

1. Scrawny little mice are not allowed to run over my laptop. Big rats may do so if they wish coz I'm scared of them and so won't protest.

2. People who call me are not allowed to explain why they suddenly started mumbling. Just don't mumble. Especially if the reason is that you just started bleeding from your nose.

3. Professors cannot tell me that my attention span is short. Firstly, it's short only when you're boring. Secondly, my lab partner made the addition mistakes, or maybe her calculator made them and she didn't notice. I just happened to be the one holding the notebook when you looked.

4. My name is not ghonchu.

5. Gardeners are not allowed to have power trips when I had class till 4.30 and feel tired and murderous and back-ache-ey. They should choose better moments to show me how they are more important than me in the universal scheme of things. Or for the commonwealth games to happen. Whatever.

They are not allowed to look at me smugly when I can't find my books in the big mound of chaos you call the luggage room. You have the key to the room. I get it. I do. You are busy ruining my hostel for the games to happen. They pay you. I forgive you. Just don't be smug. Those books are important to one little nerdy child called ghonchu who is very confused about the future. She needs to move them to her temporary home. Just open the damn door.

They are not allowed to lie down on mattresses and stare while I trip over all the cartons and my shoe goes flying. I know my shoes are to big for me. Not his problem.

Helpful suggestions about how to implement these rules will be rewarded, not in cash but in kind.

malfunctions with ones wardrobe. strange examples from real life

2010-07-26T14:27:00.004+05:30

Today i set out for college with a huge laundry bundle in tow. Around eleven I realized that I left it somewhere. I spent the next hour of electronics class wondering where I had lost my clothes and worrying about what I would wear for the rest of the year. The moment class was over I rushed out and ran to the hostel. The warden had kept the stinky clothes carefully in her office and didnt seem surprised when I said they were mine! i reached the solid state class quite late as a consequence. The prof shot me a dirty look that said "AHA. YOU. WHO BUT YOU COULD ARRIVE LATE FOR THE 1ST CLASS OF THE YEAR". I gave her a look that said ...well it was my retarded look.

Last week.
Toto, Gaga and Pal decide to catch a movie the day before college reopens. It's raining really hard but the plan must not be abandoned. So they reach the mall dripping wet.
Suffice it to say that people look really really shocked when they walk into a ladies room in a mall to see a gaga drying two pairs of trousers underneath the hand blow dryer machine with the help of the attendant lady, a toto jumping around pantless and running into the cubicles shrieking whenever women walk in and a pal who throws the toto out mercilessly because the toto ran into the cubicle she was sheltering in because the pal needs to pee. Life is embarrassing.

2010-07-22T15:41:00.002+05:30

This week has been depression about results, apprehension about the future, creative constipation, confusion about where to live, eating chicken at 1am because the neighbours felt sorry for two of my flatmates having mangoes for dinner, decisions to drop out of college and to give various different postgrad studies exams. yuck. i want peace of mind.
and butter chicken.

2010-07-07T14:11:00.003+05:30

Location: Cambodia
Time: July, 2010

My mom is in a souvenir store. Which sells jewellery. She decides on a set of aquamarine set in silver. Then she starts haggling. I'm standing there on one leg and not interfering, jewellery isn't my thing, I just have to ensure that my mom doesn't spend more money than what she has. Cambodian riels are very confusing. The shop girl keeps telling her how beautiful the set is, and how beautiful mom will look in it. Eventually mom gets bored of her line of attack. She says,"This is for my daughter." And points at me. "For her wedding". My stork yoga pose meditation is shattered. I overbalance gracelessly and gawp at mom. The shop-girl also has a really blank look for a moment. I can see her thinking child marriage. (OMG! This child is barely eighteen. Indians are strange!! Ah well, the customer is always right.) She looks at me,"Your marriage???" I blink. "When." I say. "Later." Coherent sentences were refusing to form inside my brain.
"IF!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I think and shout 'if' at my mother inside my head.
Anyway, knockout punch delivered mom triumphantly walks out of store.

Angkor Thom

2010-07-02T23:00:00.002+05:30

gateway to the walled city. (above) and the temples. (below)

2010-07-02T12:32:00.000+05:30

Orchids. Botanical Garden. Singapore.

2010-06-16T15:11:00.003+05:30

I'm off. Singapore and Cambodia awaits. Be back in ten days. Yay. Travel travel and food and hopefully FIFA world cup live telecasts on hotel room tvs. Pictures of Angkor Vat with nerdily excited historian mom in front soon. Peace.

Encounter with a friendly eunuch

2010-06-05T07:19:00.003+05:30

3.6.2010
Nayantara Sarma, a.k.a NT, declares in Oly Pub-"Gender is a social construct. You should be able to switch between genders at will" NT's short hair allows her to look like a boy when she wants to. It's liberating she says. I know what she means. I look like a boy when i wear boy clothes. Its a really useful thing in the streets of Delhi.
4.6.2010
On my way back from college street. Deliriously happy because i found a Steinbeck that i have always wanted to own but isnt all that easily available. Standing in a bus. A eunuch sitting on the seat in front of me, eating a mango. The other side of the story, the person who is stuck between the genders and is therefore by default a social outcaste. All done eating it she asks the lady sitting beside her for water. The lady shudders and refuses. She looks up at me. At this point i feel 'if she isnt making a nuisance by touching everybody and asking for money i have no reason to be rude'. Unsocial-antisocial i may be bit i enjoy conversations with strangers on buses or trains. I cheerfully pull out a litre of water from my schoolbag and give it to her. She washes her hands, takes a drink and tells me she's been thirsty from morning. I nod. She thanks me. I nod more cheerfully and tell her its fine. I'm starting to enjoy the situation. I can feel people in the bus getting disapproving or uncomfortable or something. She hands the water back and blesses me loudly. Pulls out a packet of supari from her bra. Feeling friendly, she offers me the supari. I refuse but i felt quite sad then that i dont eat supari. She gets up, we exchange polite conversation like whether the next stop is sealdah and she gets off. I bundle into the seat beside Nik and we come home.

Kurbaan

2010-05-30T07:40:00.003+05:30

I dont know why everyone's sending me the Rajnikanth forward. You want ridiculously funny? Why the south? There's bollywood.
So mum's watching some movie. Kareena Kapoor. Feels suspicious at night, the scary hour, and she walks around this house. Basement door is open so she walks in. So far fine. The basement happens to be a terrorist hub. Yeah they keep their doors lying open like that as far as i know. We can all see a terrorist polishing his pistol. She overhears a conspiracy to blow up a plane. She starts backing up step by step. Not turn and walk with surreptitious glances backwards, no she prefers walking backwards with no idea where she's going. So she bumps loudly into a table, from which a dead body pops out so she lets out a squeak. The terrorists hear her and come walking into that side of the basement. The one polishing his gun has put it down before he goes to investigate the squeak from unknown person. They stare at her. She runs away.
They follow. They run slower than she does in heels. She manages to get inside her house and lock front door. After that though she just stands there and stares at the door while they bang on it from outside and threaten to kill her. Then they break the pane of glass and she starts and regains her senses. She runs out the back door and what is with this woman and walking backwards in slow-mo?
Skipping over some parts. The terrorists capture her and decide to not kill her but that she must be kept silent. But they keep her in a room with a cellphone and no guard.
After this my good sense prevailed and i fell asleep. for more fun, watch the movie.

2010-05-27T22:47:00.004+05:30

All bad habits are genetic. No matter what your maths teacher or anyone else may say about it. Or your mother for that matter. It's not your own new thing and I dont think its the planets in divine motion out there either.
Your bad habit, that is to say MY bad habit, of bringing home a suitcase full of unwashed laundry is not something you developed out of thin air. Nope. I bet your dad does the same. DAD, the other contributor to my gene pool remember?
I'm sitting here waiting for the washing machine to finish its cycle of washing his clothes. He is sleeping off the jetlag.

2010-05-23T12:12:00.001+05:30

Happy birthday to me
I'm turning twen-ty
I'm sick, I have fever
Friends have exam, no party.

self-composed birthday wish poem.

2010-05-14T11:35:00.002+05:30

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utl-uOdX12w

Ooooooh Wooooooh, Ooooooh Wooooooh

Give me freedom, give me fire, give me reason, take me higher
See the champions, take the field now, you define us, make us feel proud
In the streets our heads are lifting, as we lose our inhibition,
Celebration, it surround us, every nations, all around us

Singing forever young, singing songs underneath that sun
Lets rejoice in the beautiful game,
And together at the end of the day.
We all say

When I get older I will be stronger
They’ll call me freedom, just like a wavin’ flag
When I get older I will be stronger
They’ll call me freedom, just like a wavin’ flag
So wave your flag, now wave your flag, now wave your flag

Oooohhh, Oooooooooh wooooohh, Oooooooooh wooooohh

Give you freedom, give you fire, give you reason, take you higher
See the champions, take the field now, you define us, make us feel proud
In the streets our heads are lifting, as we lose our inhibition,
Celebration, its around us, every nations, all around us

Singing forever young, singing songs underneath that sun
Lets rejoice in the beautiful game,
And together at the end of the day.
We all say

Oohhoooohh Woooh Ohohooooh Wooohoooh

We all say
When I get older I will be stronger
They’ll call me freedom, just like a wavin’ flag
When I get older I will be stronger
They’ll call me freedom, just like a wavin’ flag
So wave your flag, now wave your flag, now wave your flag
Now wave your flag (4x)

Oooooh woowoo ooh Wooo ooohh ooohoh
And everybody will be singing it
Oooooh woowoo ooh Wooo ooohh ooohoh
And we all will be singing it

The World Cup is almost here. :D

2010-05-07T15:39:00.001+05:30

The census people came.
First question from my parents. "If our daughter lives in a hostel, does she count? Or do you count her separately?"
"No, no. This is her permanent residence so we do count her."
Ma of course has a follow-up question two. "What if instead of in hostel our daughter was in jail? Would this still be her permanent address? Or do you guys go to the jails and count separately?"
Man gave the blank look and got out of my house as fast as he could.

2010-05-04T10:58:00.003+05:30

My brother is firmly convinced that I cannot, just cannot, be related to him.
I mean hello! Hasn't he noticed that everyone in school thinks he isn't a bengali, a problem I always complained about too. And he looks a lot like me except for that 1 foot extra length. And I'm one of the three people who get all his jokes. One of the other two happens to be our father.
So he happens to be gifted musically. Well I am a musical retard. I do find the guitar too big to hold comfortably. And I've always had stubby fingers and I just can't stretch them enough to hold the 'C chord' (I think that's the chord..hmm). And so yeah I hit upon the solution of keeping the guitar on a stool and trying to learn the chords holding it like a cello.
Guess what? It works.

2010-04-25T22:20:00.000+05:30

The Peacock in the bathroom and other scary stories of hostel life. (Hehe.)

2010-04-22T22:12:00.002+05:30

Maths class. Real Analysis. I had as usual zoned away to a happier dimension inside my head as is my wont on the rare occasion that I cannot make my getaway before the prof walks in after quantum class.

The class drones on and on. Even the nerds get bored. "Please let us go" they whine, plead.
"I am an old woman, if i can teach you can sit and learn. So just keep sitting."
Hmm, prof isn't pliable today...end of the year syllabus ending blues.
"How old do you think I am?" Sudden strange question from prof. "I am 63. My birthday is in ... I'm a Pisces"
"Do I look like a Pisces?"
I blinked and stirred. Wow, the math prof likes astrology. Who knew! I sure as hell do NOT know what a Piscean looks like.
Someone answers her with a vague negative. "See there are billions of people in the world." OHKAY, this is getting strange.
"Only twelve sunsigns."
JEEEZ
"So the probability of someone having any of these sunsigns is very large"
Probability theory meets astrology. Kill me.
"But you can't divide all these billions of people into only twelve types right?"
No? Why? Stupid vs Smart. Them vs Me. Astrology believers vs Astrology disbelievers.
"So, when you are born is not what matters"
Finally this is veering back to the realm of the scientific and logical.
"What really matters is..." Genes??
"What really matters is the planets you were born under"
KILL ME. (I'm a gemini.)

Water water everywhere.......

2010-04-13T23:03:00.003+05:30

It was a typical summer afternoon- nobody studying even though we all regularly expressed intentions of getting up and getting to it. Nobody eating coz it was too hot. Nobody even moving much. The water coolers were giving us the steady trickle of water they always do. The long impatient swearword and punch punctuated wait to fill a litre of water.
And then today the trickle turned to a drop. And then the drop... it just went and vanished. And this is in the heat in the middle of our exams.
So then we call the warden. She isnt around today. We call the principal. She doesn't pick up. We call our darling Prof Nandini Datta who immediately jumps into action and starts finding out what is being done about the problem. While we wonder who's turn it is to go to the ATM to withdraw money... to buy water. Eventually the crazyness sets in.

"You know that part of the wall which is opposite the principal's house?"
" yes..."
" We should go stand there and throw all our empty water bottles at her."
" And shout slogans?"
" Haha.. we're gonna be too parched to do that."

We call a man to order water. He refuses to deliver for only one order. Not enough profit involved. What will he gain out of it, he asks us. Not one to back down Don answers immediately. "Our blessings, bhaiyya."

Me and Gandhari are the only two whose exams are going on. We probably felt the pressure more... and burst into song.
"all you need is love.
ALL you need is love
all you NEED is LOOve
EVERYBODY
ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE!"
Don throws us out of her room. She thinks she also needs water. Love isn't quite that essential.

Dev tags 200 photos on facebook. I tell my mom that she may as well send me money to buy mineral water but that stuff tastes like crap and i'd rather have tap water. Then declare that i will blow every last paisa on beer. Dev pours half a bottle of talcum powder down my back and turns me into a ghost reeking of flowers.

Eventually a tanker of funny tasting water does arrive. Not that that made us study all that much but it did make us stop singing for the while

2010-04-08T22:52:00.004+05:30

There are times, when one studies. Yes, that's what I said one does. As you can see in above picture- one also eats a lot.
You spread all our books out in an attempt to find something atleast vaguely familiar. ALL your books.
And you end up doodling. Invariably.

2010-03-30T10:28:00.002+05:30

Bhindi
last year i forgot and this year it feels a little pointless. HAPPY BIRTHDAY anyway. love u.
i remember that birthday of mine, u turned up with a huge shoebox. a 'potol' and a 'bhindi' stuck inside it. To 'potol' from 'bhindi'. And a lot of glitter. sniff. u're always gonna be special. and i'm standing in front of ur picture singing. singing a little birthday song for u. i hope the wind carries it to u.
love
potol. aka pal aka weaver

peace

2010-03-15T22:15:00.003+05:30

A geography class...
Teacher goes on and on about bird droppings. 'bird droppings are a huge industry....bird droppings blah bird droppings blahblah'
and all is fine and boring till somebody raises their hand....
"Ma'am, but what.." (and the tone mind you is like the next big philosophical question just about to be revealed) "but what....do birds drop?"

(yes it's a true story)

2010-03-10T22:23:00.002+05:30

is it just weird or not to have a sense of achievement when u manage to sleep through an hour and a half of terrible and loud music right outside your room a few hours before your bedtime because u know u wont be able to study through it?

2010-03-02T23:04:00.002+05:30

Change is good. but....
I HATE goodbyes.

2010-02-26T22:56:00.003+05:30

Holed up in the corner of my room. My converse drying on the floor beside me. I'm wearing shorts today and I feel happyish. Summer is almost here. Sweat and icecream and football and home.
I'd planned to struggle with 1st year maths tonight. Before the long lazy holidays I still have exams to get done with. One month to go. And one stupid stupid ego which made me fill up a form to retake last year's maths test.
To my right is my wall of football. Filled with scribblings and newspaper cuttings. I can tell you everything that Chelsea did this year. If I manage to decipher that handwriting..... To my left I can see the converse. A Monet print, lovely purpley waterlilies, Paris was such a dream. There's a picture of Bhindi too. It's been twelve days now and I am finally at the stage where I remember how time passes and I remember to eat. I am scared that the memories will fade. The memories of shorts and school magazines and conversations that searched into our pasts and presents and futures looking for answers that I still don't have and for ourselves. Terrorism has always convinced me that the world is a bad place.
(abrupt change of paragraph because i have run out things i want to say here. i also understand that this post is getting pointlesser and loster by the word)
It's been a weird week. From rr asking me if I'm on any 'addictive substances' to the warden not recognising me and trying to throw me out of the hostel premises. A girl told me I look really hot with my new haircut and that she wished I was a boy. (!)
Three days holiday now. Peaceful, I hope. And productive.
.....peace. Seems like a lot to ask for.

2010-02-21T23:09:00.002+05:30

Want to try your hand at a haircut? Come, cut my hair. After my hair grows outwards horizontally I declare that I give up on it and refuse to spend money on another haircut.
So somebody cuts off the sides, someone cuts off the top. Now the guard isn't letting me in because this is a girl's hostel and people are asking about G's new guy friend. And I am happy, no comb no shampoo no bother

of bad jokes

2010-02-03T15:57:00.004+05:30

RR tells toshna to meet her after class. Toto fearfully goes. RR starts of with a speech on "u must start studying child, brains are not enough. If u put in hard work then u will surely prosper. Pull up ur socks child and ......." and toto looks down at her feet. Her feet which were, like always, in slippers....and no socks.
That was the end of speech. Toto and RR laughed for a good minute and peacefully went about with the rest of their lives.

We're standing there looking at a really fat bird and wondering if it's going to lay eggs. "It's pregnant" says D. "Do you call it pregnant if it's going to lay eggs instead of having a baby?" Everyone starts thinking...... "Or do you call it eg(g)nant?

2010-01-27T22:27:00.002+05:30

Somewhere in the middle of writing my annual departmental report(umm...helping the HOD) and running around with posters and attending as many classes as i could...or rather not attending them and getting attendance by turning up at crucial moments and and running to camp with my laundry.....i had a flash of an idea for a blogpost which is now gone. just vanished from my head.
but the best part of today was when i went to give the laudry man my laundry. he was eating so i asked him if i should come later. he looked up and said, come eat. awesome.

2010-01-19T22:15:00.003+05:30

Reasons for the whole class to do badly in an exam- As explained to us by our professor today
1. all of us secretly wanted to do engineering and couldnt and are frustrated by our course and life.
2. she might be teaching badly. But another teacher also said we did badly so its not her teaching....

Reasons we should study-
1. We dont have an option.
2. In India your parents are sacrificing and sending you to college.
3. You will get a job and get respect. Cashiers at McDonald's are worthy of less respect than a teacher.
4. McDonalds markets its goods well so we all buy twenty rupee burgers but end up spending more. (I didnt exactly follow this one.)
5. All jobs are worthy of equal respect but hard work has no substitute.
6. Our course is so perfect. No giving us repeats of old questions every years doesn't make the system support memorizing science answers...it proves we are not deserving of different coz we still do badly.

KILL ME.

2010-01-16T22:34:00.002+05:30

this happened a while back...

Friend messages..need help. come now.
I fly out of the room. Run down the stairs. Burst into her room.
She's standing there and there is definitely no blood. She's standing there looking at two pairs of shoes.
'I can't decide whether to wear the flats or the heels'

2010-01-09T22:44:00.002+05:30

COLD COLD COLD COLD.

Maximum temperature 12 degrees celsius. Layers and layers and layers of clothes. Tip of nose: questionable existence. Feet: dying. Bath: long forgotten process.

Longing for summer. :(

2010-01-02T11:45:00.002+05:30

new year!
nope, no resolutions. and yes, im gonna keep using the annoying 'cant improve perfection' line every time you ask me.
we formatted my computer till 1 in the morning. then we looked up and dad said 'oh! its the new year'. after working on the partitions and drivers and then ubuntu we were a leetle zoned. there was this top 50 videos of the year countdown on tv. at 1 they showed us the video number 1....taylor swift, in big classes pretending to be nerdy. yuck. YUCK. made me really glad the year was over. heartily hoping that rock comes back in 2010....of course, it wont and more lady gagas will arise. not that i have anything against these two women.
sports will be interesting though. with the FIFA world cup lined up during my two month summer break, there go all my plans of studying in summer, out the window. and then the UEFA champions league finals night before my birthday might be a grand way to usher in the utterly terrifying age of TWENTY.
tennis might be fun, the belgians are back, the williams sisters show no sign of aging and there are lots of interesting men to watch out for instead of only federer and nadal.
so yeah, its gonna be epic.....like always.

Award Ceremony

2009-12-24T11:49:00.004+05:30

It's Christmas tomorrow. Chelsea is top of the table even though the last few league games were rather awful, ManU came up with a bad show too. I'm a Ni-Dan...or a second black belt. Even though that's at the cost of my nose as Vineet pointed out. But considering I can sleep flat on it again I think I'm fine.

AWARDS

Smartest story of the year-
Little brother ranked something in the national cyber olympiad. Pretty high rank. When asked, he realized that he didnt know how many people took the test so he had no way of measuring how well he had done. He asked his teachers, he checked online. When even google failed, he made a plan. He would take the test again next year and answer nothing. Nothing at all. That way, his rank would be the lowest. So he would know. Once he knew, he could of course estimate how well he had done this year.

Stupidest comment of the year-
After wrapping up our fest inspite of rain, strikes and sponsorship deals falling through in the middle of the fest we pulled off the fest. The professors congratulate us at the end of it all when we go say bye to them.
Priyanjana,"Thank You Ma'am."
Me,"Ma'am let the budget come to you, then congratulate us."

Punch of the year-
Aritra. For making this the worst karate exam of my life by landing a foul shot on my nose. One that got me points and a lot of pain. This other guy Aritra did the kata with me and made me look like a lumbering elephant because I at my best will never be graceful while he is, I think, partly non-human.....

Song of the year-
Sattwick. For a song called naked. I will ask him if posting the lyrics is a copyright infringement.

For the other people who deserve mention, I will think up more awards or I will pretend to be unable to be imaginative enough to think up awards.

2009-12-24T11:37:00.002+05:30

What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Travelled on a train alone from delhi to kolkata. But I got adopted by a family twenty minutes into the journey so I dont know if it counts as alone. Had beer from the tap in a bar.....in versailles :D etc etc

2009-12-21T15:00:00.002+05:30

Whoo.
I just got the news that I passed that karate test in took in september. So I am now a 2nd dan black belt!
Great things have happened this year. I dont have time for details now. Will do a year end post soon

2009-12-01T18:13:00.001+05:30

People move in slow motion. People whisper. The air has a sluggish feel. Life has a distinct 'the matrix' feel. When I turn my head I can hear the wind and I know I can stop in mid-air, mid-jump.

Yes, 3 days of cetrizine...that's what's wrong with me.

2009-11-30T11:38:00.002+05:30

Ok.

Blue blog tick

New header tick

Boxes for lazy people instead of comments tick (although they'll all just stay on FB I guess)

Header has a football in it tick

Yes this blog looks more like me now. Even though it is a bed-rest, high-fever me. Yay!

2009-11-29T13:38:00.000+05:30

Blog renovation in progress. Come back soon.

2009-11-21T18:28:00.003+05:30

My roommate today decides to cook chicken. We go shopping. Shop to shop cart to cart. We're buying vegetables, spices and whatever is necessary. (All I bought was an extension cable to solve my speakers and laptop problems and five bandaids.) It's all going fine until she decides she needs just one onion. She tells this vendor to give her one onion. Then feeling stupid she asks him if she should pay him a rupee or two. He smiles,"Do I look like a beggar?" Super embarrassed, we shuffle off and dissolve into a fit of laughter. Twenty minutes later, where we buy milk, the man gives me free milk cake after I ask him sheepishly to cut me a small piece.

We come back feeling very cheerful about our campus. Updates on chicken meal later!

2009-11-21T12:27:00.002+05:30

I am atheist and apolitical. Almost everyone who knows me knows that.

Yesterday AA walks into my room. It is night and it is cold. Very cold. We are sitting content, umashree and third honorary roommate shubh, after a meal of fried chicken in the mess. AA asks, does anyone want to go for a talk show on NDTV tomorrow? We can ask Chidambaram questions! Shubh says no, Uma says yes. More people are required and the dreaded question comes to me. Last resort I try to pull off 'You realize I'm going to ask you who Chidambaram is now....?' AA starts explaining...finance minister blablabla...... then realises that that was just me pretending to be an idiot. Cold night nothwithstanding I am shaken up. I still refuse to go. Last time I was on a talkshow I looked like I needed a bath and I was actually glad that my parents didn't see me.

2009-11-18T08:28:00.002+05:30

8.00 get out of bed and start preparing introduction for the prof coming today. dont find data and blog wasn't the plan

8.30 sprint down the lawns to class

8.40-12.30 attend classes and run around making last moment arrangements for food and projector

12.30 attend astrophysics lecture

12.30 teach ladies self-defence in a WDC workshop

1530 attend this other thing...don't remember....but i'm sure i'll see a poster

1800 meet friend for dinner

yes there are two things at 12.30. i didnt notice.......... :(

2009-11-15T20:38:00.003+05:30

Good things will happen...........

this stomachache will stop because it must stop

and i will travel to the north and see snow again

and at home there is a new garden and loved ones have returned and loved ones await

and a trip to a certain second hand sunday book bazaar is overdue and so is a trip or rather a pilgrimage with dm to gorge ourselves silly

and the antibiotics are over and appetite and energy are human now and will soon be me level

and i will learn stuff and do stuff and feel good.

Socks

2009-11-07T14:51:00.002+05:30

Somewhere....thousands of kms away...in a four-storeyed house, on the fourth floor there is a woman. In winter she wears socks which have the big toe separate....you know the ones right? She takes out a pair... and notices that they are both left foot socks.....
Here, her daughter cheerfully goes to college wearing two right foot socks.

fhud

2009-10-19T15:46:00.004+05:30

Uh, Baguettes and croissants that will make my dry morning bread seem worse.

And cakes. The French people, they can bake!

And beef bourgoeignon with mashed potatoes. (that spelling is not correct but i cant figure out the right combination of vowels)

And french wine.

And chocolate. Yummy creamy blissful.

2009-10-18T10:49:00.004+05:30

5. The Louvre
Yes I saw La Jaconde. I smiled back at her politely.
I also saw Venus de Milo and liked all humans wondered where her arms are and what they pointed at.
wanna know what she looks like from the back? MonaLisa not venus de milo.....
That's what. Except the woman of course.
Pictures and sculpture from around the time of the renaissance. My pick was the young martyr by Delaroche. Check it out online. I didn't take too many pictures of pictures. There are better ones online.
The Egyptian exhibit was good too. And the royal bedrooms were all so well-preserved. Such luxury and grandeur! I wondered what the Mughal palaces were like before the British stripped them clean.
6. Orsay museum.
Was amazing. All the impressionist art. Vibrant colors. The pictures on the interent or in books just do not do them justice. Those thickly applied colors, brushstrokes were just too beautiful. Monet's cathedrals. Sisley. Pissarro. Van Gogh. Starry night left me stunned. And Cezanne drew apples a lot, but he did draw them rather well.
7. The Orangerie. Eight of Monet's waterlilies canvases. Huge canvases. In oval shaped rooms.

2009-10-17T16:00:00.004+05:30

Everyone demands a travel description post. Paris defies description so easily, I'm sure lonely planet has a better one than mine.

But I must take a shot ...I told everyone who asked me for a description that I would just put one up and spare myself the trouble of repeating it too many times, for one reason.

Let's do this pointwise, I shall add points for the next as many days as strikes my fancy then.

1. Public transport there is great. Metro, bus, train and the same weekly ticket works for all of them. Sometimes the ticket doesn't work, especially at times when everyone else with whom I can squeeze and scoot over has crossed the gates. Then either a nice guy offers to let you squeeze through with him or you try through the doors of the other end. A fat frenchman hit me in the stomach with his suitcase when I tried that, strange patriotism, and I shouted "the pass got stuck" as loudly as I can at him and then ran through while bro activated the mechanism to open the door from the other side for me.

2. The notredame's architecture inspired respect for gothic things in me. Not that that means everyone wearing black clothes and nailpolish can now pretend to be gothic in front of me. (2nd pic on top, gargoyles in previous post)

3. Watching the artists paint at Mont-martre (pic on top)

4. We could see the eiffel tower from our flat which was in the suburbs. at night it lights up and at the beginning of each hour there are twinkly lights. The door to the verandah was glass. Basically, half the wall was glass. And you could fall asleep watching it.

Art and Food will have to be later posts. à bientôt.